


The Motorsport Daddy

by Quagswagging



Category: Formula 1 RPF, Formula E RPF
Genre: Crack, Dorks, Drama queen Nando, Fluff and Crack, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Not Serious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2021-01-26 09:57:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21372280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quagswagging/pseuds/Quagswagging
Summary: “We need to decide once and for all who the true motorsport Papi is.”Nando and Kimi set out on a quest. André just has a very difficult last name.
Relationships: Fernando Alonso/Kimi Räikkönen
Kudos: 63





	The Motorsport Daddy

**Author's Note:**

> Don't take me seriously anymore. This fic is lowkey ridiculous  
Enjoy <3

“Kimi, have a problem.” Fernando said as he bustled into Kimi’s driver room. Kimi, just changing out of his fireproofs and in some normal clothes, sighed deeply when he saw him. He didn’t even bother covering his bare chest, and didn’t miss the way Nando threw an appreciative look at his body.

“Still fit even now you’re old, mhm?” Nando hummed. Kimi narrowed his eyes a little and threw on a shirt.

“You said we have a problem, stop checking me out and get to the point.” he huffed. Fernando huffed at him, placing his hands on his hips.

“Someone at Formula E is threatening our position.” he said. Kimi blinked, blinked again, and then shook his head.

“I have no clue what you’re talking about. Are you drunk?” he asked. Nando smacked his shoulder.

“Don’t be _estupido!_ I mean our position as hottest drivers.” he said. Kimi snorted.__

_ __ _

_ __ _

“You really do love yourself, don’t you?” he asked. Fernando’s eyes narrowed dangerously now. 

“We have reputation. Even the younger drivers fancy us.” he explained. Kimi was still skeptical.

“We’re old, Nando. No one fancies us.” he said with a roll of his eyes. “Either way, who is threatening our position - which does not exist!” he grumbled. Nando pulled out his phone and showed him a picture.

“André. André Losfer- Loster- Loli-” 

“You mean Lotterer?” Kimi sighed in exasperation as Nando struggled on with the pronunciation. Nando stomped his foot.

“Si, the German. People are loving him even though is old! They call him Daddy.” he grumbled. Kimi pulled a face.

“I can’t believe I’m having this conversation, please leave.” he tried. Nando only got more determined and sat down on the sofa.

“I want to be the motorsport Daddy.” Nando whined. Kimi pressed his hands to his ears.

“Please stop talking.” he almost pleaded. Fernando stood up again.

“I will only stop talking when you help me!” he hissed at the Finn. Kimi struggled through an internal crisis before sighing deeply.

“Very well. Whatever can I help you with?” he grumbled, folding his arms over his chest. 

“We need to decide once and for all who the true motorsport _Papi_ is.” Fernando said with a curt nod. Kimi sighed deeply again.__

_ __ _

_ __ _

“And how do you-” he started, but Fernando had already started pacing back and forth and interrupted Kimi. 

“Need to ask all other drivers who they like most, as Dad or Daddy.” Fernando started to explain, walking around as if he was explaining a very important military mission.

“I really don’t want to do that.” Kimi answered. Fernando grabbed his hand.

“You have no choice, or I’ll tell everyone you cried watching Bambi.” Fernando said triumphantly.

“It’s an emotional movie.” Kimi grumbled under his breath, but he now followed after the Spaniard. 

It was not hard to find the first drivers. Lando and Carlos were still in the McLaren hospitality, and Fernando had easy access to it. Kimi got some confused glances from the staff but he ignored it as always. Carlos seemed surprised to see them while Lando seemed lowkey terrified.

“Hola cariño’s.” Fernando greeted, patting their heads. “Have question for you.” he added, while Kimi tried to sneakily step aside and back to the door . Fernando caught his wrist and pulled him back.

“Need to know.” he started. “Who of us and André Lotterer is the most Daddy.” he asked simply. Carlos seemed ready to throw himself out of a window while Lando scrunched up his brows in confusion.

“Why would I want any of you to be my dad?” he huffed. Kimi groaned.

“Not Dad, Daddy.” he tried again. Lando turned to Carlos with a questioning look.

“You don’t know what they mean?” Carlos asked in amusement. Lando scoffed.

“Of course I do.” he grumbled, before hesitating and leaning in to whisper something into Carlos’s ear. Carlos chuckled and shook his head, leaning in as well to answer. Lando’s face turned from confused to horrified.

“I-I don’t want to answer that!” he squeaked, trying to hide his face in his hoodie. Nando sharply turned to Carlos.

“Fine, Carlito, you answer then, por favor.” Nando said rather sharply. Carlos blinked dumbly for a few times before starting to stutter.

“I well I mean… I-I grew up with you, Nano, so are more a… dad, than a daddy.” he said awkwardly. Nando let out a grumpy huff.

“Fine.” he grumbled in the end. “Who do you chose then? Kimi or André?” he asked quickly. Carlos blinked and turned to Lando with a begging look on his face. Lando frowned.

“Kimi.” he said. “I don’t know André.” he blinked innocently, but refused to meet Kimi’s eyes. Nando grumbled something under his breath but then grabbed Kimi’s arm to pull him out of the building again.

“You’re such a sore loser.” Kimi said amusedly. Fernando turned sharply.

“Have not lost yet!” he hissed. Kimi only smirked and wordlessly let Fernando continue to pull him along. 

They found Kevin and Valtteri talking hidden away in one of nooks and crannies of the paddock. Valtteri seemed the only rightfully scared of the Finn and Spaniard walking over, but Kevin was too busy frowning at something on his phone to notice. 

“Hola.” Fernando said, grabbing Kevin’s arm before the Dane could run. “You boys need to help us.” he added. Valtteri muttered something in Finnish to Kimi, who shrugged and rolled his eyes.

"I don't want to be here either." He muttered. Nando smacked Kimi's shoulder, before turning to the two younger man.

"Who is the best Daddy, me, Kimi or Andre Lof-... Lots-"

"Lotterer." Kimi sighed in exasperation. 

"Yes, Lossyer." Nando snapped. Val and Kevin exchanged a glance, before the latter cleared his throat.

"You actually meant to say Daddy or is it a Spanish thing?" He muttered. Nando glared at the young Dane.

"My English very good, shut up!" He grumbled. Kevin rolled his eyes.

"Whatever. I'd vote André." He said.

"Traitor!" Nando hissed at him. Kevin shrugged.

"Hot Germans are just my type." He said with a smirk. Valtteri was clearly trying not to smile, hiding his mouth behind his hand.

"Stop smiling and vote!" Nando grumbled. Valtteri stared at him for a moment.

"Easy. I'd pick Kimi." He said with a shrug. Nando looked about ready to throw a temper tantrum.

"Val does not count! You Finns are teaming up against me!" He whined, pouting and folding his arms over his chest. "This experiment sucks." He added in a mumble, grumpily shuffling over to the wall and dramatically letting himself slide down to sit on the floor.

Kimi quickly reached out to ruffle Kevin's hair, the Dane giving him a murderous look in return, and then squeezing Val's cheek.

"He is a drama queen, don't take it personally." He soothed, before wandering over to the sulking Spaniard. Fernando glanced up at him before huffing.

"Am not continuing this. The boys are all _estupido_ he grumbled." He said sternly. Kimi hummed and sat down, bumping their shoulders together.__

_ __ _

_ __ _

"I have to say André does look good." Kimi started. Nando gasped in betrayal, but Kimi pressed a hand on his mouth to silence him.

"But I'd pick you over him. And over myself." He finished. Nando blinked dumbly, not saying anything as Kimi removed his hand from his face again. Then his expression turned part triumphant, and part husky.

"You think am a _Papi?"_ He purred. Kimi rolled his eyes, and leaned in to press a chaste kiss to Nando's lips.__

_ __ _

_ __ _

"Meet me tonight. I might give you an answer then."


End file.
